Thursday, 28 February 2013

Politically Incorrect

Mr. Tom Fletcher is a very conservative journalist for Blackpool press and a regular contributor to the Barriere Star journal.
Politically Incorrect
by Rick Lime

I'd like to observe, if I might
While politely declining to fight
Given differing views
In the Barriere News
Mr Fletcher's are usually 'right'

Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Cold deadly hands

Cold deadly hands
by Rick Lime

Bearing arms is on everyone's lips
"From my cold deadly hands" someone quips
And I've just come to learn
That his major concern
Is a vampire and zombie eclipse

Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Why do I write?

Madeleine Kane inspired this. It's shamelessly sophomoric and it won't happen again.

Why do I write?
by Rick Lime

You might ask why the morning birds sing
Or why rolling cathedral bells ring
It’s a passion that aches
Like the impulse that makes
A kite dance on the end of a string

Three Stooges Poetry

Three Stooges Poetry
by Rick Lime

There once was a silly old poet
Gravitas in his work, he’d forgo it
‘Cuz if given the chance
He would pull down his pants
And just “Larry and Curly and Moe” it


There once was a silly old poet
Immature, with no hope to outgrow it
A limerick rookie
Obsessed over nookie
He don’t care whoever might know it

Monday, 18 February 2013

A man who was eating a roll

A man who was eating a roll
by Rick Lime

Check out Mad Kane's weekly Limeric-Off

William Tell and his son on a roll
At the Lucky Strike Lanes set a goal
T' at least spare every frame
But their team had no name
So we don't know for whom the Tells bowl

The hillsides may hummock and roll
And the valleys can basin and bowl
But as far as I see
There forever will be
In the world, only one grassy knoll

A woman was "eating a roll"
That's sex talk for "pollish the pole"
And while I'm not fluent
"Mamada"s congruent
With both phrases en espanol

Her drummer was drumming a roll
A fiddle-er fingered his scroll
Beyonce innuendo-ed
The chorus crescendo-ed
Much more than the melody swole

Saturday, 16 February 2013

Idle No More?

Idle No More?
by Rick Lime

They oppose the new omnibus bill
But their battle for change is uphill
I could stand up with pride
And say "I'm on their side"
Or just sit and remain idle still

Friday, 8 February 2013

Controlled Release

This was 'inspired' by a medical journal article about the controlled release of medication. An FB friend suggested the magazine probably never came early. (So, I have some one else to blame for this)

Controlled Release
by Rick Lime

There is a young man, call him X
His release is controlled during sex
So, he comes every time
That his clock starts to chime
And, to Pavlov he pays his respects

A Quickie

A Quickie
by Rick Lime

He's a Bam thank you Ma'am kind of chap
He makes love and he's done in a snap
I'll resume my critique
Of his bedroom technique
But he'll first have to wake from his nap

Wednesday, 6 February 2013

A man who'd been recently canned

A man who'd been recently canned
by Rick Lime

Check out Mad Kane's weekly Limeric-Off

An escort was recently canned
For lit'rally  beating the band
She was given the boot
When her Madame found oout
She'd been giving them all a free hand

A woman was recently canned
For teaching that one in the hand
Was worth two in the bush
It's a theory she'd push
But not one that us boys understand

To paraphrase Donald, "You're Canned!"
Pointing finger, mock pistol in hand
It's no TV show lout
That he's talking about
But his face in the mirror all tanned

A song that was recently canned
By Ms Knowles and the President's band
Has ignited a fire
And while not a pyre
The idiot flames have been fanned

A gal who'd been recently canned
Was asked "Sarah, what next have you planned?"
First she hummed, then she hawed
Then inspired by god
She said "Share More Broadly the Message of the Beauty of Freedom and the Imperative of Defending Our Republic and Restoring This Most Exceptional Nation"

A man who'd been recently canned
For visiting sites that were banned
Found it hard to let go
For a minute or so
He'd it all in the palm of his hand

A woman was recently canned
For indecently using a hand
To first hide then reveal
Then refuse to conceal
The two parts that she hadn't quite tanned

And a couple of alternate rhymes about the Super Bowl
The super bowl's finally here
Seems the hype has been building all year
And while some think the game
Is exceedingly lame
We'll use any excuse to drink beer

QBs throw the bombs, LBs blitz
The coach barks his orders and spits
While boys from the benches
Make war in the trenches
And fans drink Budweiser and Schlitz

Ye Olde Candy Shoppe

Ye Olde Candy Shoppe
by Rick Lime

My friend runs "Ye Olde Candy Shoppe"
In a town with a new "Quickie Stop"
And I don't think he knows
Down the street, while he's closed
That the price goes up ten cents a pop