Sunday, 26 April 2015

The Witnesses

I told this story, a couple of years ago, when I was teaching an Introduction to Computing course. My intent was to demonstrate the pitfalls of multi-tasking. It also, sort of, has a little fun at the expense of Jehovah's Witnesses.  How was I to know that my class included half a dozen members of the local Kingdom Hall. I was a little embarrassed, but they were good sports about it. Here it is, translated into verse form.

Kith and Kin here’s a day in the life
Of an overwrought mother and wife
Though the tale I will mete
In a regular beat
Mine’s a moral where chaos is rife

I awoke; it was seven-fifteen
Tried to dress but no undies were clean
So, I stripped to the buff
Gathered clothes in a huff
Trundled down to the washing machine

As a mother I’ve learned how to cope
And I seldom will snivel, or mope
So I took it in stride
(Okay, maybe I sighed)
When I found we were fresh out of soap

Then I heard the most god-awful noise
Like the crashing of dishes and toys
I went running upstairs
Midst the yelling and glares
Of my ten year old twin little boys

I asked “Why must you act like baboons?”
As I set out the bowls and the spoons
Then the hubby yelled “Dear,
What’s that racket I hear?”
All this week he was on afternoons

To the bedroom I flew “Hon, don’t fuss”
“It’s not something we need to discuss”
I said “Kids! Now I’m mad
You just woke up your dad”
But they’d already left for the bus

So I started to work at the sink
Plan my day, take a moment to think
When the telephone rang
To the office I sprang
On the line it was MasterCard Inc.

Well, those guys make me green at the gills
So I sat down to work on the bills
But then something occurred
It was something I heard
 From the kitchen; it gave me the chills

See, the sink overflowed on the floor
Then a ding-dong; who’s that at the door
As I shut of the tap
I was thinking “Oh crap”
What fresh hell could this day have in store

On the stoop were those people you dread
Saving souls for the rapture ahead
When I heard them both say
“How ya doin’ today”
I composed myself first, then I said

“The laundry’s been washed without soap
With my credit card debt I can’t cope
I’ve got more than a hunch
That my kids have no lunch
And I’ve flooded the house, like a dope

But if that’s not enough I’ll attest
That the last has been saved for the best
For I just realized
Cuz you seem so surprised
That I haven’t found time to get dressed!”

Tuesday, 14 April 2015

Miscarriage of Justice

It's bizarre that Purvi Patel could be charged with both feticide and neglect of a dependent. It's discouraging that a jury would find her guilty of both. And, its frightening that she has been sentenced to 20 years for having a miscarriage.

Purvi’s jury should make us all squirm
Their disdain so unfeeling and firm
All so righteous and pure
Consecratedly sure
That their daughters will carry to term

Sunday, 12 April 2015

Obstinate Grit

I was sixteen; I’d dropped out of school
Just an immature know-it-all fool
Still, I showed up each day
Earning minimum pay
To a job where I worked like a mule

The foreman was from the Ukraine
So there’s something I need to explain
The man’s English was broke
So whenever he spoke
He would need to repeat it again

Then, one day I’m unloading a van
And it’s going according to plan
Till I look at the boss
And he seems really cross
He says “Carry as much as you can”

So I set down my load on the floor
Headed back where I picked up some more
But now under the strain
I’m bent over in pain
And the sweat’s really starting to pour

Of the job I’m no longer a fan
But, I want to behave like a man
Then the boss happens by
When he catches my eye
He says “Carry as much as you can”

Now, at this point I have to admit
I was tempted to tell him “I quit!”
But I didn’t explode
I just increased the load
Trudging onward with obstinate grit

When I made my way back to the van
There’s the boss and his lecture began
“For the third time today
You no hear what I say
ONLY carry as much as you can!”